Cesar Rivera

The Battle Within
What it is to think right from wrong.
Trying to be my best self, but still don’t feel all too strong.
To prolong the perpetuation of this lifelong goal. 
The goal of being gracious, sagacious, and turning the other cheek.
But forgive me for I am rather rapacious, for my future seems rather bleak.
The heart wants to be benevolent, most actions give ethos and are evident.
But oh how the mind yearns to use everything for its benefit.
To be beguiling, never revealing, and reticent of all feeling.

The never-ending fight of wanting to go down the rabbit hole of pure pleasure and inconsideration.
Through the endless cogitation of self-preservation is more often than not, the revelation and causation of one’s own demise.
We think we are genuine and kind as people. But through the constant smoke and mirrors we show ourselves, I ask you, are we really all that wise?
Perhaps I am cynical or pessimistic with thoughts in my mind…
To believe we will doom ourselves as a humankind.
Or am I simply unrefined for this lifetime?

For this piece, I wouldn’t say it’s about a specific mental illness but more so about the mental battle within ourselves. The battle of striving to be the best person I can be possibly be or going along with my internal desires of being manipulative and cunning for my own benefit. The internal struggle of being benevolent even though I may have a very pessimistic view on people from past experiences which effects how I think today. Regardless, I believe we all have desires we don’t follow through with and I personally think people are blinding themselves to how deleterious we really as a society and personally. Which in the end will prove to be our demise. Either way, I thank you for taking the time to read this and allowing me to share my words and be somewhat of an outlet for my mind.