Lawrence

Freeze
 I can feel you
 Even when
 You aren’t here
 It’s as if
 My heart and Thoughts
 Just freeze

 Then the panic settles in,
 My mouth moves of its own accord
 Words spinning out like the whirling gears
 And hands of an overactive clock,
 Slipping away with the time I’m losing. 

 All I want is to calmly say hello,
 Feigned aloof grace I try to bring to bear,
 But what comes out is a distorted croak, 
 A frog crying for help, lost among funhouse mirrors. 

 You catch it anyway
 My words shredded into wisps by wind.
 That easy smile, a candle lit to 
 Light the way, as I fumble through the dark.
 
 I reach out to grasp your hand, 
 Marching, lurching, deadened by the bog
 Of my own infernal awkwardness. 

I wrote this during a time when I was incredibly depressed and struggling to find a sense of self-worth and the only thing that got me through was a friend who was living in Ireland and would talk to me even with the massive difference in time.